I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
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The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
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We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize