Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
