wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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