Buhtt sex?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
