New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
