Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
a search helicopter?!
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
