Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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