so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
