we're making bets on your personal life
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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