I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
