he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
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5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
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on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
When are your genitals available?
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