we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
