The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
