i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
