Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
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I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home