My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.