THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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