I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa