Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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