nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
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