i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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