i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
