I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
