Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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