so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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