So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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