I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
