Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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