She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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