Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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