You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
