our cab driver is having phone sex.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
