Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
