So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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