4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
My liver just had a heart attack.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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