Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
