i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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