I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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