Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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