Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm at about main and main street
You dont lie about slip and slides
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
