thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
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