turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
