Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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