I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
