you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
