i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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