Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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