Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
