Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
