you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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