yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
