i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
