I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
