there was a trapeze. enough said
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
