moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
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She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
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You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
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