I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
As shirtless as possible
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
