i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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