i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
