White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
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So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
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Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.