There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
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We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness