yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.