i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
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He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
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There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.