My cat gives me a boner
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"