Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
seriously i just wanna be friends
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick