some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?