Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
