I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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