Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
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high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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