I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
